Kansas. Home of Dorothy, the Tin Man, Scarecrow, Cowardly Lion and several other childhood characters from the Wizard of Oz who give this otherwise unappealing area some mention in my mind. It is also, in my opinion, the second windiest city in the US. I’m fairly certain that Toto flew by yesterday in a gust of wind! It is crazy windy here! And scary! Not Chicago city streets scary by no means, but scary in its own weird west, Wizard of Oz, way. Let me explain.
My third week in Wichita, the headline on the newspaper read, "Largest Wildfire in State History Ravages Kansas". Over 400,000 acres in Kansas on fire, which started as the annual farm burns the locals tell me. The embers from this fire are being carried by the wind causing smaller fires which is why the fire continues to spread. Some of these embers landed in the mulch outside my hotel one night, caught fire and spread up the side of the building. Yes, of course it was the side my room was on! The alarm went off at 2:30 am but I was like, “oh no way am I getting up for another test in the middle of the night unless I smell smoke or someone bangs on my door!” So, I didn't and indignantly rolled back over, put the pillow over my head and went back to sleep. About that time I heard a man yelling and banging on doors in the hallway was when I smelled the smoke. I’ve never been more awake in my life! Jumped from the bed, frantically searching for pants and shoes, snagged my wallet and phone as I hurried out the door where the threat became super real for me. There was smoke rising in the hallway forming a cloud. People were scurrying all around me dragging their luggage behind them. When I noticed that, I paused for a millisecond thinking maybe I should go back for mine. I didn’t have that thought for long because as I turned to go back to my room, only I didn’t realize until that exact moment when I saw tips of flames flickering through the window at the end of the hall.I was on the third floor. THE THIRD FLOOR! My decision to go back for luggage was made rather abruptly followed by a few fear induced expletives! I got outta there in a hurry unable to recall any contents of importance contained in my luggage. Funny how fear of losing our life puts a whole new perspective on our previously packed belongings. That was my second week in Kansas.
The next week, I learned that the state sounds the tornado alarm for testing every Monday at noon. This would have been good information to know prior to the testing but unfortunately that is not how it went. See, what had happened was my plane landed at 11:17 a.m., taxied to the gate for a few minutes, a few minutes more to deplane the passengers, a quick but necessary stop at the bathroom for me before heading to baggage claim. I’m sure you are following the timeline in your mind with me by now. Wait for it....
Waiting for my luggage to come through the turnstile usually takes several minutes of visually sorting through the sea of black suitcases. I remember noting to myself that once again I had failed to remember to purchase one of another color as I had promised myself each time I visited baggage claim. I questioned myself on that non wise decision deeply consumed in a world of possible luggage styles and colors when I spotted the blue HCA tag coming toward me. Worming my way through the crowd of people, I leaned in waiting for it to pass by. At the precise moment that my fingers wrapped around the handle, the blaring began. If you haven't had the pleasure of hearing this sound, let me enlighten you so you can understand my reaction a bit better. it is the same as an air raid alert. AN AIR RAID! The handle on my suitcase may as well have contained one of those electric hand buzzers. Imagine the chaos that could result from this, right? No, it did not. Apparently, I was the ONLY one who was unaware that it was a TEST! Very unfortunate to find this out as I was being coaxed out from my secure position under the chairs! Ugh! That was not cool. At all.
Then, the next day ash was all over all the cars in the parking lot of the hotel. The smoke in the air was thick enough to make you cough and gag and created barely visible driving conditions. I was stunned how people here seem not to be phased by a damn thing! They just keep on plugging along as if it was a bright sunny day. I made my way to the office building where I’m working, certain I’m going to get black lung from all of this smoke inhalation, set down my bag in the breakroom and dammit if there wasn’t another fire alarm! But no one went anywhere! Ok, see if you’re remembering the first paragraph here then you know that this girls Momma didn’t raise no fool! I left those people in my dust! High tailed it down 4 flights of stairs out to the parking lot where I was sure to find the rest of the buildings inhabitants. Nope, not one. Only me. Yep, that’s right. I’m convinced these people have all been part of some sort of alien testing out here in this weird west!
I’m just trying to maintain my wits at this point! (shaky hands clinging tightly to my coffee cup). I’m going on my 5th week here and found out I’m here until the end of June. Just in time for tornado season. Perhaps I'll search for the yellow brick road to consult with the wizard. The Cowardly Lion made out pretty well with him, so there may be hope for me!
One thing is for certain. When it is time for me to move on to the next assignment, I will perform a shiny red shoe heel click before I board the plane while simultaneously pronouncing, "deuces!"
